things can sometimes feel very weird......

if kinda karmic how drastic things can change in one sentence. i mean, you can literally feel yourself rising or falling with just a few words. i feel as though in getting older, and i hope more mature, i have no tolerance. i don't want to put up with anything. its really hard to say why, i just feel like if someone or something cant be easy and agreeable it's not worth a second of my time. i don't like being so rigid, but i just have a hard time being flexible. example: i have someone in my life right now (non-romantic) who just make the dumbest choices. this person seems and appears to be totally of sound body and mind but is just a big dumb ass...i cannot for the life of me understand why said person is involved in such self destructive behaviour. it's sad, because when you know the potential someone has and to seem them just rip their own hear and soul out it seems so asinine. it's not like i have not done some of those things before, but i have never known anyone quite like this. the worst part is is that i really do not believe i can continue to have this person in my life. its not that i don't think i can deal, or handle it, its that I DON'T WANT TO. i don't want to have to worry about someone. i have been in such a hassle free place for the last year, I AM NOT GOING BACK. i am finally back on track to where i wanted to be; living an authentic, honest life. its taken me seriously 10 years to get here, and it feels really good. i have an unbelievably stable and loving home life and i cant allow into my life, anyone who cannot provide the stable life i need. i feel like this is coming full circle, cause what i am getting i have definitely given. you get back what you give, i really believe that. is this pay back?? i just hope i don't receive this 'karmic justice' for the length of time i put out there..... 2 years...i cant take that. i have finally come to terms that i have done some really fucked up stuff, and i realized how easily i can effect not only an individual person but an entire family. MD, you showed me that!!! thank you so much for some of the lessons that i never was able to learn until you.....you are really owed some 'karmic justice' for putting up with my bullshit!!! but so, do i try to help this person as i was helped by MD? i just don't know. is that the full circle? you get the help and guidance you need and you must in return do the same for another? i don't know if i can. am i even the best person to be doing this??? i feel like i have only been 'balanced' for such a short time, will this work? i am so stuck in the middle, not knowing. it's uncanny how similar the 2 are. so now here i am wondering if i am making not only a good decision, but a safe one. i feel a real compulsion to make good decisions, not just for myself but the 'greater good'. the only difference in this situation, is that i am not at all invested in this person or this situation. is sometimes the best decision the hardest to make and execute? a lot of times for me the right thing to do is very clear but not easy to do. now its not real clear and i am sure it will not be easy. i have been told so many times that i 'come first, not matter the cost'....do i apply that now? or shall i just walk away from this whole thing and make NO decision? say fuck it?? when you make decisions that are a real turning point in life, you have to weight all the options, TRY ON EVERY PAIR OF JEANS you can. you never buy a pair of 200 dollar jeans without trying them on... and i don't make decisions without doing the same.