well thanksgiving is upon us....

lots of people like to make lists of the things that they are thankful for and i reckon i might be able to do the same...

1. i am thankful for my amazing job and all the opportunities it will afford me.
2. i am thankful for my home, and being able to live in a space harmoniously.
3. i am very thankful for being able to buy myself things like my car, my home, food...
4. i am thankful i have my health at this exact moment. (who know's what will happen in the future)
5. i am thankful for my supportive family and friends , especially when i call crying at 2 in the morning. (i am eternally thankful)
6. i am thankful that i have the sense to know that i am moving into the hardest part of my life in this next year.
7. i am thankful for all the people who have come into and out off my life in the time since the last thanksgiving.
8. i am thankful not to have to live in the heat anymore!
9. i am thankful to know i will have the support of many people in the next few months to get thru this situation.
10. i am thankful to have my sanity and mostly, my serenity.

this morning started off hard. i woke up thinking that i really didn't have anything to be thankful for.... i focused on the things i wished i could change. i thought about all the people i am so far from, all the people i love that i cant understand, all the people that i miss but cant bring myself to call.... and then there was you...

i wonder if you know how i really feel. i don't think you do. i never tell you, and i don't thing i ever will. we've come too far. once you get past a big fence you cant go back. we cant go back. i don't even want to go back but i CANT stay here. somethings big is coming... i can feel it....i just don't know what it is.

i know that the holidays can be hard, especially for people who feel that they are all alone. look at me today, my mom is in oregon, my sister is in arkansas, and my dad, well lets just say he's not there at all. so here i am in my house, all alone. knowing i was going to be home alone today and tonight, i wanted to cry. i knew if i did start to cry though i wouldn't stop and i might not even want to stop. lately if i start crying i cant stop....and then i feel better but it takes a while.


9. i am thank

what up?

i know, i know its been a long time.... well i got a new phone!!! and i have been working like crazy!

and here it is........

my new phone is the razr. Its pretty cool. it is so light. it also had blue tooth which i really needed cause my new car has it and i will be able to talk hands free thru my car's navigation system.

wtf! my my my!

are you joking me? i cant even put in into words right now!

my little rant

you wanna know what grinds my gears?

CELL PHONES!

i mean does my cell know that it has brought me times of joy, times of sorrow and everything in between?

seriously? my cell can be my best friend and my worst enemy all in the same day! I cant deal with it. i wish my phone would just mysteriously disappear. and when people ask me why i am not getting a replacement i will simply tell them that i am still grieving the loss of the 'original'. will that shut them up? i think not, in fact i think that people will start riding me harder that ever....


have you ever waited and waited for a phone call and then never get it? did you wonder if something was wrong with your phone? christ's sake! will we ever be rid of this shit of always being able to be reached 24-7 anywhere? well, i am sitting here and YOU cant seem to reach ME? why is that? are you still at work? I mean you did tell me you would call me back over an hour ago......

i guess i am feeling hormonal....I BET you have a prescription for that